; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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