I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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