i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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