Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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