I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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