On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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