Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
