you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
