Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Someone came in the potted fern
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
