she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
two words: eviction party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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