put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
