Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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