He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
True strength comes from lack of pants
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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