now i know why i became what i already was.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
