i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
