Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
