State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
