i think i scared a bird with my dick
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
