She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
