would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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