Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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