Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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