i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
