omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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