I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
