If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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