Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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