Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
