Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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