I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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