Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
is that a dick in a sweater?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
