Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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