Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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