I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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