im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
