i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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