so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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