and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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