then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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