i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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