I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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