Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
