My hand turned me down
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
