Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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