im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
