I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
