I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
