Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
