you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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