Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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