he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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