how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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