we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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