i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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