hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
