North Korea, Best Korea!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
